John's Jokes


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It seemed like a good idea at the time
It seemed like a good idea at the time!
A class of elementary students wanted to make a planter to take home and wanted to have a plant that was easy to take care of in it so it was decided to use cactus plants. The students planted the cactus seeds in the planters and they grew nicely but unfortunately were not allowed to take them home.  See the above image to understand why. The cactus plants were removed and a small ivy replaced them and the children were then allowed to take them home.

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"
His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.
When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"
Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."
This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.
The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."
The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.
Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

Judi was startled to see the nonchalant way Jon was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man.
"You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the guy down?"
"I'm waiting," Jon said.
"Waiting for what?" asked Judi.
"Waiting to catch her with a smaller fellow."

Should I?

Tokyo Water Park
Tokyo Water Park

Their slogan reads: "Welcome to the breathtaking Tokyo Water Park where you can wash away the pressure and stress of the overcrowded city and relax with your friends in the soothing enjoyment of the sun, fun and splashing"

You are here

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

In Flight Refuel
Yes, it's a woman
Yes, it's a woman

Mr. President: ''It's time 
to reclaim America from Illegal immigrants''  Native American:  ''I'll help  you pack''
President: "It's time to reclain america from illegal imergrants!"
Indian: "I'll halp you pack!"

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